Bisexuality and Monogamy: Identity Erasure and "Picking A Side"

Bisexuality and Monogamy: Identity Erasure and “Picking A Side”

I saw a blog comment discussing bisexuality where an individual stated, “we watched that trend, and we watched it fade as these women, (the majority who claim bi are women)- grew up, really learned who they were, and picked a side.”

First of all, I’m pretty sure the statistics on bisexuality are skewed by the homophobic nature of society, in which it is unacceptable for men to show “womanly” behaviors such as being attracted to other men.

Secondly, bisexuality doesn’t suddenly disappear when a person who identifies as bisexual enters a long-term, monogamous relationship with a binary-gendered person. A bisexual woman who enters into a relationship with another woman is NOT a lesbian. She is a bisexual woman who is in a relationship with a woman. Why? Because she identifies as bisexual. The person you love does not change your identity.

Bisexuality is not a stepping stone, it’s not an excuse, and it’s not a farce. It’s a real identifier that describes how someone views their romantic attraction in relation to binary-gendered people.

Why does it seem like bisexuals “pick a side?” Because a monogamous relationship with a binary-gendered person only shows you half of their attraction. Sure, it seems like that bisexual woman is “really” a lesbian—she’s dating a woman! The obvious assumption is that she is attracted to women. Should that relationship end, and that bisexual woman enter into a relationship with a man, you might see her as straight.

This is why you should never judge people based on what you see. You have no idea what’s really going on. Check your assumptions, and stop jumping to conclusions.

Wrote this almost a year ago for my personal blog, but I think its relevant to QSE as well.

(Source: thekailife)