… they definitely don’t teach this in health class.Tumblr (3.0; @queersexed)http://queersexed.tumblr.com/<p>In some circles it is, in some it isn’t.  Oftentimes tops and bottoms are also associated with dominant/submissive, so i just wanted to be inclusive of those top and bottom identities as well.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50519736016http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50519736016Wed, 15 May 2013 17:05:15 -0400<p>Shaving and waxing are your two cheapest and most readily available options.  There’s also laser hair removal, for a more permanent solution.  </p> <p>I would advise against using chemical products, like Nair, for sensitive areas.  Chemical hair removal products actually burn the hair away, and can cause serious irritation and discomfort, like harsh and prolonged burning sensations.  They can even cause actual burns on more sensitive places like the anus and labia.  Using them on other areas of your skin is OK, but keep them away from the actual genital region.  Or you’ll be very, very sorry.</p> <p>I once accidentally got Icy Hot (another chemical product for muscle aches) on my butt, and I’m telling you, NOT PLEASANT. </p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50519561488http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50519561488Wed, 15 May 2013 17:02:52 -0400<p>Nope.  It’s also not weird to be a switch (top and bottom), or to not even have a preference.</p> <p>If you’re new to dating as a gay man, you might not have enough experience to know which side of things you prefer, if you fully enjoy both, or if it doesn’t make a difference either way.  In a way, you’re at a great point for experimenting, because you can be involved with both tops and bottoms.</p> <p>Just to avoid being presumptuous, you should know that a top is someone who prefers giving anal and receiving oral, a bottom is someone who prefers receiving anal and giving oral.  A switch enjoys both topping and bottoming, but generally enjoys one more than the other.  Not having a preference is similar, but it means that you don’t lean one way or the other.</p> <p>Good luck my friend, and be safe!</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50513989342http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50513989342Wed, 15 May 2013 15:45:40 -0400<a href="http://transandqueer.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/q-1-what-does-your-family-think/">Q #1: "What does your family think?"</a>: <blockquote class="link_og_blockquote"> <div>Family reactions to coming out as transgender vary from one extreme to the other.  Some families are very open, accepting, and supportive.  Others go so far as to disown and kick out their transgen…</div> </blockquote> <p></p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50497038901http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50497038901Wed, 15 May 2013 10:27:40 -0400<p>When it comes to anal sex, there are a few things you can do to prepare yourself and your partner before engaging.</p> <ol><li>Take a shower.  Use your hand and warm water to rinse the external area.  </li> <li>Try to poop.  It sounds kinda silly, but your feces are stored in your rectum, which will be penetrated by whatever you put in there.  Vacating your bowels will remove most of the “threat.”  After doing so, using a baby wipe will keep your anus clean and fresh :)</li> <li>Use a condom and/or gloves when having penetrative anal sex.  You’ll not only drastically reduce the risks of transmitting STIs, but you’ll also have a removable layer should you find yourself getting dirty when you get down.  Both can be turned inside out as you remove them, so there’s no fuss and no muss.</li> <li>This one is completely optional, but does give some people a bit more reassurance.  An enema will flush your bowels, leaving them clear of any fecal matter.  They’re available at any pharmacy or drug store, and are relatively inexpensive.  Follow the directions, and be careful.  Also, try not to use enemas too frequently.  Overuse can cause discomfort and increase the risk of infections, as well as other more serious health issues.</li> </ol><p>As for avoiding pain, there are plenty of ways to decrease pain and displeasure.</p> <ul><li>Use plenty of lube.  Water-based is the most universally compatible with toys and condoms, so I would recommend it.</li> <li>Take your time.  Using too much force too soon can cause much unwanted pain.  Especially if it’s your first time, going slow will allow you to figure out how deep and how fast feels good to you.</li> <li>You may want to consider gauging.  You can start by inserting one finger, then two, and working your way up to toys.  Gauging will help you learn how big is too big.</li> <li>Relax.  The anus is a sphincter; it clenches both voluntarily and involuntarily.  Relaxing will help you avoid both, as well as going slow and gauging.</li> </ul><p>If at any time you experience pain, have second thoughts, become uncomfortable, or are not enjoying the activity, SAY SOMETHING.  You and your partner should both be enjoying sex, regardless of orifice or activity. Communicating with your partner before, during, and after will help you have an enjoyable experience every time.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50440339155http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50440339155Tue, 14 May 2013 16:21:00 -0400<p>Ok, well, let’s not jump the gun here.  Have you expressed your feelings to your best friend’s sister yet?  If you haven’t, you don’t even know if she has feelings for you, so calling her the girl of your dreams is a bit premature.  The girl (or boy, or person of any gender) of your dreams should be someone who reciprocates your feelings.</p> <p>Second, you don’t know that you would lose your friendship by dating your friend’s sister.  Your friend might be thrilled that you’re interested in their sister, and might even encourage you.  Or, it could be the complete opposite and your friend might be pissed at your for a little while.</p> <p>What you should do is weigh the pros and cons of pursuing her.  Consider the outcome from all possible outcomes, and decide for yourself what the right decision should be.  If the risks outweigh the benefits, well, you have your answer.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50354204841http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50354204841Mon, 13 May 2013 14:14:27 -0400<p><strong>How important is it to use a dental dam for women having sex with women? Can cold sores (oral herpes I suppose) be passed to a partner&#8217;s genitals? &#8212;Anonymous</strong></p> <div> <blockquote> <p>Cold sores or oral herpes is caused by the herpes simplex-1 virus (HSV-1), which is different from the virus that causes genital herpes (HSV-2).</p> <p>The most important thing you should know:</p> <p>HSV-1 can be transmitted from mouth to genitals, and HSV-2 can be transmitted from genitals to mouth.  They are two different viruses, but they can be transmitted to both parts of the body.  When you have HSV-1 on your genitals, you have “oral herpes” on your genitals.  When you have HSV-2 on your mouth, you have “genital herpes” on your mouth.</p> <p>Though you are more likely to transmit either during an outbreak—when the virus is active—both can be transmitted whenever contact is made.  If you are having a sexual encounter with someone who carries HSV-1 or HSV-2, it is advised to use a dental dam.  </p> <p>Also, symptoms for both viruses are often confused for symptoms of something else.  Open sores can increase the risk of transmitting other STIs, including HIV, which is why it’s best to use a dental dam if you or your parter a) are not monogamous, b) have not been tested for STIs in the last six months, or c) are unsure of yours or your partner’s STI status.</p> <p>And a quick fact:  The CDC estimates that 1 in 5 people have HSV-1, or oral herpes.  Most people are exposed to it during childhood.</p> </blockquote> <p>[Rebloggable by request]</p> <p>Also, my original information has since been updated:  The CDC actually estimates that 50-80% of individuals in the United States have HSV-1, with rates potentially as high as 90%.</p> </div>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50327693325http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50327693325Mon, 13 May 2013 02:47:00 -0400herpesoral herpesgenital herpesSTIssexualitysex edsex educationdental damshsv1hsv2queerqueer sex edqueer sex educationsexCDClesbian sexfaab sexoral sexgenitalscold soreslgbtqalgbtqlgbt<p>Cold sores or oral herpes is caused by the herpes simplex-1 virus (HSV-1), which is different from the virus that causes genital herpes (HSV-2).</p> <p>The most important thing you should know:</p> <p>HSV-1 can be transmitted from mouth to genitals, and HSV-2 can be transmitted from genitals to mouth.  They are two different viruses, but they can be transmitted to both parts of the body.  When you have HSV-1 on your genitals, you have “oral herpes” on your genitals.  When you have HSV-2 on your mouth, you have “genital herpes” on your mouth.</p> <p>Though you are more likely to transmit either during an outbreak—when the virus is active—both can be transmitted whenever contact is made.  If you are having a sexual encounter with someone who carries HSV-1 or HSV-2, it is advised to use a dental dam.  </p> <p>Also, symptoms for both viruses are often confused for symptoms of something else.  Open sores can increase the risk of transmitting other STIs, including HIV, which is why it’s best to use a dental dam if you or your parter a) are not monogamous, b) have not been tested for STIs in the last six months, or c) are unsure of you or your partner’s STI status.</p> <p>And a quick fact:  The CDC estimates that 1 in 5 people have HSV-1, or oral herpes.  Most people are exposed to it during childhood.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50324388025http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50324388025Mon, 13 May 2013 01:30:00 -0400<p>Also, I&#8217;ve noticed several typos in my responses and such.  My apologies if they&#8217;ve caused any confusion, especially for my international followers.  My computer&#8217;s autocorrect is pretty subtle when it comes to replacing misspelled words.  In fact, I just caught one now as I was re-reading this post for a third time.  </p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50323301748http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50323301748Mon, 13 May 2013 01:09:05 -0400<p>I&#8217;m on medical leave from work this week (minor injury, on the mend) and working on two or three projects to keep from going stir crazy&#8212;QSE being one of them.  </p> <p><a href="http://www.queersexed.tumblr.com/ask">Got questions?</a></p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50322776811http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50322776811Mon, 13 May 2013 00:59:00 -0400queersexeducationQueerSexEdqueer sex educationsexualitygender identitylgbtqlgbtqalesbiangaybisexualtransgendergendersafe sexgenderqueersexual orientationasexualasexualityhomosexualitygay sexqueer sex<p>Ask her.  If you are feeling uncomfortable with your situation, it might be best to have a conversation so you both understand the parameters of your relationship—whatever that may be.  </p> <p>Communication is always key.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50317021561http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50317021561Sun, 12 May 2013 23:30:16 -0400<p>If you’re feeling these insecurities, it’s best to talk to her, in person.  She might be busy with other things, or have something else going on in her life that she hasn’t talked about with you yet.  </p> <p>Approach the situation with caution, but be honest.  Insecurities can sometimes be overwhelming for the other person, but it’s also important for you to feel secure in your relationship.  Remain calm, and try not to let your emotions control the conversation.  Tell her that you’re wondering why she seems standoff-ish, but assure her that you’re coming from a place of concern.  Let her know that if she is going through something, or facing challenges that are stressing her out, that you are there for her—not only as her significant other, but also as her friend.</p> <p>It might also be a good idea to ask her about the two of you being in a relationship.  Sometimes when a friendship becomes a romantic relationship, one or both (or more) parties can have reservations, too.  It may just be an adjustment, or she may be having second thoughts.  I don’t say that to make you worry, but it is something that should be considered.  Having a one-on-one conversation, preferably in private, might help put you both at ease.</p> <p>I hope everything works out for you, and best of luck :)</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50316895184http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/50316895184Sun, 12 May 2013 23:28:00 -0400<a href="http://www.transandqueer.wordpress.com">Qs About the T</a>: <h1 class="entry-title"><strong>What is Qs About the T?</strong></h1> <blockquote> <p><span>Qs About the T began as a workshop in 2008, as a means of introducing terminology and subjects related to trans* and gender-variant identities to queer and trans* allies.  It has been presented at conferences and colleges as a means of exposing LGBT and queer allies to various issues affecting the trans* community.  It has been well received at conferences such as the Long Island GLBT Services Network Conference, Civil Liberties and Public Policy conference, and has reached audiences from New Jersey to Massachusetts.</span></p> <p>In an effort to reach a wider audience, I have decided to expand upon the initial workshop and create an internet-based space for discussing the social implications, challenges, and experiences of being transgender or gender-variant in the United States.  As it develops, this blog will grow to include resources for allies, as well as a space for answering questions many people have concerning the lives and experiences of trans*-identified individuals.  Though I cannot speak for the community as a whole, I am willing to provide answers based on my personal experiences and the knowledge I have accumulated over the years as a community educator.</p> <p>I am by no means an expert.  I simply have a substantial interest in deconstructing stereotypes, unveiling truths, and shedding light on the often misrepresented trans* community.  I have dedicated a significant amount of time to issues affecting queerness and gender variance, both academically and socially.  Having served as a youth leader, student org leader, and activist in myriad capacities, providing accurate and reliable information is something I value greatly.  And as our world dives deeper into the age of the Internet, it’s important for me, for many reasons, to continue working toward normalizing and demystifying the transgender and gender variant community.</p> <p>For more information on the work I have done in the past, or for information on how I can help you educate others, you may email me at kaixmarkas@gmail.com.</p> </blockquote>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49798664205http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49798664205Mon, 06 May 2013 17:05:00 -0400lgbtqueertranstransgenderalliestrans*identitygender identitygenderqueergender variantnon-normative gender<p>Not to be a jerk, but it really has nothing to do with you.</p> <p>She’s likely uncomfortable because she has body image and self-esteem issues.  People with body issues spend a lot of time building up walls to keep people out and feel safe.  It can take time to break those walls down and allow oneself to be vulnerable.  Give her time.</p> <p>The best thing you can do is be patient and understanding.  Take things slow.  Always ask permission before touching her, but continue to let her know that you appreciate her.  Find creative ways to show your attraction to her.  Make her feel safe.  Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help her feel more comfortable.  Continue to let her know she can trust you, and that you aren’t there to judge her.  Most of all, respect her boundaries.  If she says no, that means no.  </p> <p>You could also try talking to her about why she feels uncomfortable, and learn about what makes her feel that way.  Listening to what has caused her to feel uncomfortable can a) help you avoid doing those same things, and b) bring you closer emotionally.  Being closer emotionally can strengthen the bonds of trust, and help her to feel more comfortable with her body around you.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49085044818http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49085044818Sun, 28 Apr 2013 08:17:37 -0400<p>You’re more than welcome to talk to me, though I know emailing with someone you’ve never met can sometimes feel awkward.  Do you live near a larger town or city?  If so, you could go there and see if you can find a social/support group or even a counselor who can help you work through the difficulties you’re having.  </p> <p>Have you tried talking to your husband about your feelings?  I absolutely understand if you’ve chosen not to, regardless of your reason.  I would strongly suggest talking with him and telling him what’s going on with you, if you think he can have that kind of conversation.  If not, it’s probably best not to bring it up just yet.</p> <p>Really, you should look into finding an LGBT-friendly therapist who you can work with on figuring out what you need to do.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49084607873http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49084607873Sun, 28 Apr 2013 08:06:40 -0400<p>cis is short for cisgender, which is a person whose assigned sex and gender identity follow a normative pattern (female/woman, male/man).  It comes from the Latin prefix <em>cis- </em>meaning “same.”  it’s not so much an identity as it is a way of differentiating normative genders identities from trans* identities.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49084310479http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49084310479Sun, 28 Apr 2013 07:59:28 -0400<p>You can voice your feelings for someone and still remain good friends.  I once had a major crush on my best friend, and that was several years ago. We’re still good friends to this day.</p> <p>If you want to test the waters and see how he feels, you could do one of two things:  you could be very up front (“Hey, so I’ve been wondering, are you gay?”) or you could be more subtle.  You could ask him about celebrity gays or ask hypothetical questions.  </p> <p>Telling him how you feel is up to you.  Just remember that once you ring a bell, it can’t be un-rung.  Weigh that with the importance of maintaining your friendship.  If the risk seems too great, perhaps you should move on and focus your romantic energy elsewhere.</p> <p>If you tell him, and he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, you have to respect that 100% and move forward as just friends.  </p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49084067507http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/49084067507Sun, 28 Apr 2013 07:52:56 -0400<p>Chlamydia is transmitted through fluids.  That’s how oral sex can cause an infection.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/48958700897http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/48958700897Fri, 26 Apr 2013 18:32:10 -0400<p>Well, there you go.</p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/48729365547http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/48729365547Tue, 23 Apr 2013 19:30:00 -0400<p>Tell them whatever you want.  If you identify as bisexual, then you can tell them that.  If you identify as straight, feel free to tell them that as well.<br/><br/>Sexuality is fluid, and if you don’t feel like either word describes you, maybe see if you can find another one that does.  Pansexual, omnisexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, lesbian, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, queer, questioning…there are so many words out there to describe attraction and identity, I’m sure you’ll fine one that fits. </p>http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/48725486447http://queersexed.tumblr.com/post/48725486447Tue, 23 Apr 2013 18:42:27 -0400